…welcome to the club, and thus Jen’s site and forum. The question is what can one do about it from there? Or better yet, what can ‘One’ or a ‘Collective’ of victims do about it now? Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. So how shall it be approached?

That’s just it, though, Monte. There IS no legal recourse. This is a society that condones abuse, pure and simple, and that’s why this site exists.

My abuser’s psychiatrist (who was also my psychiatrist) advised me to cut off all contact with my abuser. I tried, but this eventually meant also cutting off all contact with our mutual relatives, because they absolutely refused to understand it wasn’t a tiff, it wasn’t something that needed to be talked through, that our relative was simply an abusive asshole in private and a nice person only in public. So the onus is on the abused to cut people off. And some of those people have made it clear they assume *I* am the asshole, the ungrateful bitch, whatever. I’ve had to harden myself to that, get over missing them, get over how hurtful their willful ignorance was. It’s all been my problem, and my abuser? Still abusing people I care about, and expecting to get away with it.

The only thing you can do is go public. That’s what Hilary Adams did, and because she had video, more people believed her than blamed her for her own abuse. (Read more at my other site: http://thehathorlegacy.com/hillary-adams-child-abuse-on-film/). That opens up another legal can of worms, because there are conditions under which abusers can sue you for defamation even when you are telling the truth. Some states/nations put the burden on you to prove you were telling the truth, and how many of us have concrete evidence of what happened to us? Especially emotional abuse, which isn’t always obvious, even on film. Other states/nations put the burden on the plaintiff to prove you were lying. The US used to not even care if it was true – if the abuser lost money, then you were a bad person and owed them money FOR TELLING THE TRUTH.

That’s why it’s also not enough just to criticize our abusers. This society collaborates with and shelters abusers because, I dunno – people have some fucked up ideas about bully power equaling strength of character? Whatever it is they think, it’s wrong, and it needs to change. Once it stops being socially acceptable to harm your family as long as you treat important people like your boss real nice, then some of the abuse will stop (because many abusers crave social approval, and will curtail their desired behavior to get it).

Victims should really join forces, but most victims just quietly keep the psyche damages bottled up, so they can continue to function in this world. We all know that once we open that bitter bottle again, once it’s been sealed (like a bottle of Coke with a Mentos Mint in it that has been shaken by abuse), everything and then some flows passionately out, included with it, much anger at being victimized, and still held powerless to seek justice. And ‘anger’ is easily misunderstood too, especially by outsiders, or Couch Coaches (those that like to give shallow responses to write-off or belittle the ugly truth of the matter from a safe distance away).

From Wikipedia: Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

I believe too the Wikipedia definition should be expanded to include a more expanded list of ailments and long term Neurological damage that victims suffer from scapegoat-ism, isolation, alienation, self blame, self loathing and I could think of other inclusions for that page.

I agree that we all need some kind of closure, but I don’t think reparation is the only way to get it. If it was, closure would be virtually hopeless, and we might as well just kill ourselves.

That said, I’ll leave some jaws wide open by spouting this practical truth: real closure comes when they’re dead. I’m not wishing anyone dead or advocating killing anybody, but the sad fact is: people who can abuse their kids without being sorry about it don’t change. If you have a parent who just won’t let go, even though you’ve cut off all contact and tried to keep them from knowing where you live (which means you can’t ever make a name for yourself in your profession, either!), and they just keep tracking you down and trying to abuse you from afar, then you know this will be your lot in life until they are dead. Even if, like me, you have a lot of legal options for making them wish they’d never bothered you, there’s just never any assurance the harassment will end once and for all until THEY end, once and for all. Because they don’t ever learn that they were wrong.