Christian: Abortion/homosexuality/[insert incredibly incindiary topic here] is blah blah blah.
Atheist/agnotic: (smiles and nods)

We smile and nod because we know Christian beliefs are respected and other beliefs are not so much, and if we say something precisely as offensive/inane in response, we will be treated as if we just punched a toddler in the face. I’ve done this a number of times:

Christian: Abortion/homosexuality/[insert incredibly incindiary topic here] is blah blah blah.
Atheist/agnotic: Really? I feel abortion/homosexuality/[insert incredibly incindiary topic here] is the opposite blah blah blah.

For which I am a hideously offensive monster. Doesn’t matter that the Christian was the one who introduced a controversial topic into the conversation and stated an opinion as fact (which I don’t). Christians have long had the privilege of spouting their views uncontested, but if we respond with opposing ideas or criticism of their ideas, we aren’t just exercising the same rights they enjoy under freedom of speech: we are attacking them. This is why so many Christians today feel persecuted: they have been so mired in privilege for so long that they have yet to realize an equal but opposite assertion cannot rationally be deemed more offensive than their statements.

People of other faiths run into this problem in societies where Christianity is culturally dominant, too. Try responding to the above with some remarks on the hard and fast reality of reincarnation, and you won’t fare much better than the atheist.

For clarity, I’m not at all suggesting all Christians engage in this behavior. I’m just saying it’s a privilege available to them in our society, and it’s unfair to others. Of course they have the right to say what they believe. It’s just ludicrous for anyone to be offended when, after introducing a very controversial topic into polite conversation, they meet with intellectual opposition. Hell, when I argue that women are people, I brace myself for strong opposition to that oh-so-controversial view. If you’re arguing that you know God exists and what he thinks about things, you really need to be prepared for a healthy, respectful debate. And there is nothing unhealthy or disrespectful about someone voicing an opinion you find offensive, especially when you did exactly the same thing to them first.

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I was so livid about this for 24 hours, I couldn’t write on the topic. Now I’m calmer, but I’m glad gays are angry, and I hope a lot of other people join them.

Christians didn’t invent marriage. No culture did. Every culture invented a form of it, not exactly the same as every other, and not always for quite the same purpose. Letting any single group – and in this case, huge funding to promote these bans came from the Mormon Church, the assholes who also worked hard at defeating the ERA and ex-communicated at least one member who supported it publicly – decide how to define marriage under the law is mixing of church and state: an ugly display of religious privilege. And please note that being “Christians” didn’t stop the Mormons from lying to voters to sway them.

Be afraid. And hope that lawsuits against these measures succeed wildly. Because if Mormons can decide what marriage is for all Americans, then there’s precedent for them deciding what’s real parenting. What’s a real family. What’s in the best interest of your child, you undesirable Wiccan freak, you nasty non-Mormon Christian, you evil atheist. Marriage is not “theirs” to protect, except within their temple walls; in the eyes of the law, it’s simply an entity individuals enter into, not unlike a corporation. There are tax implications, paperwork to be filled out – otherwise, it’s none of the government’s business.

There are several things we can do to help. AfterEllen published a list of businesses that contributed to passing Prop 8 in California, and when DailyKos reported it, commenters added quite a few more – feel free to take your business elsewhere. Here’s a list of businesses owned directly by the Mormon church, which functions more like a megaglobalconglomercorporation than a religious institution these days.

Now, some people say it’s discrimination if I choose not to shop at any business owned by any Mormon, because some of those Mormons may have been against Prop 8. The problem with this argument is that every Mormon gives 10% of her net income to the church. Every time I make a purchase from her, I’m giving money to a church I feel is funding hatred. In order to stop funding hatred, I have no choice but to stop funding Mormons in general. And those Mormons who don’t like what the church is doing with their money should take that up with the church. Blame the church and its hate agenda for their loss of livelihood, not us.

I’m not a fan of boycotts, myself. I don’t think they’re very effective. And in this case, it’s not just Mormons promoting this who are responsible. What about the voters? They’re from a variety of faiths, and some of them may even be secular homophobes – it’s not like religion invented the concept of hating people who don’t or can’t conform to your arbitrary insecure bullshit standards.

In my opinion, it’s time for the law to stop recognizing marriage, period. There’s no need for it. Let it be a purely cultural/religious institution. Let people set upproperty sharing and medical proxy decision arrangements via legal documents other than a wedding license. The government shouldn’t be endorsing marriage at all, let alone one kind versus another.

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I was taught abortion was wrong and until a couple of years ago, when I discovered the horrific mental disorder that runs in both sides of my family and was shared by Hitler has a genetic component, I never, ever thought I could stand to abort, myself. But I was raised to be pro-choice; just because we believed life began at conception didn’t mean it did, anymore than the majority of the world’s population believing in reincarnation makes it true. When it comes down to belief rather than practical issues, the law must wash its hands and let people work it out themselves. I.E., when Hindi culture dictated that widows be tossed onto the funeral pyre along with Hubby, the British interferred with that custom, and I believe they did right, even though I doubt I’d agree with their motives: those were living women being burned to death. But no matter how strongly you believe a fetus is a living person, you must admit it’s far more clear-cut that the potential mother is a living person.

The version of Christianity I grew up with is no longer the public face of the religion. The last few friends I have who practice a similarly loving version of the religion, concerned more with improving their own behavior than that of others, assure me such reasonable Christians are still the majority. I hope they’re right, but I don’t know. The public face is Jerry Falwell. Pat Robertson. Fred Phelps.

And Christians who can’t see their own privilege tell me the press has an agenda to make Christians look like ignorant bigots. Did Rupert Murdoch force Jerry Falwell to blame our tolerance for feminists (I didn’t know we had any!) and gays (seriously?) for 9/11, or did Jerry come up with that all on his own? And did the press risk losing their FCC broadcasting licenses by refusing air time for Christians who wanted to present an equal but alternate view to Jerry’s, or is it that no Christians came forward to set the record straight? Why is it feminists bothered to show so much dissent when Amanda Marcotte behaved in a privileged fashion that two such incidents made it into her Wikipedia entry? Why is it Falwell’s wikipedia entry shows no Christian dissent – only agreement from Pat Robertson for his superstitious bullshit about 9/11?

Because feminists really know what it’s like to be persecuted, and we know if our movement is to maintain any validity against continuous assaults by conservative assholes on our public image, we must police ourselves for hypocrisy and demand that feminist hypocrites acknowledge their mistakes and grow from them, or erode their support accordingly. Christians, in their privilege, assume it’s the responsibility of outsiders to research and figure out how unlike Falwell most of them are.

It’s not. It’s really not. Credibility is something you have to earn now, Christians. It’s no longer a privilege you’re granted just for belonging to the “right” religion. But nor does it mean anyone’s hostile to your beliefs. We’re just hostile to having them imposed on us. And if you think we’re exaggerating when we say that goes on…

…some of your more aggressive Christian brethren don’t tell you the stuff they tell us – they assume you already believe what they do. But those of us who aren’t Christian frequently get to hear the specifics. Over the years, more than a few Christians have informed me that God didn’t mean for black and white people to mingle, and really American blacks were happier during segregation (yep, some people are still not over that). They told me back in the early 90s the hole in the ozone was for Jesus to come through, so we should all be hairspraying for Jesus. Over the years, I’ve watched a staggering number of Christians ignore, or even in a roundabout way support, the actions of domestic abusers of both genders. They’ve blamed women for causing their own rapes by dressing sexy or just failing to be a virgin (once she’s open for business, the bitch has no right picking and choosing who gets a poke). Various of them have assured me Jews are going to hell, and black skin is the mark of Cain, and the end days are here (they’re always here; they’re the longest-running bit of cabaret in human history).

Does my bad impression of modern Christians come from Jerry Falwell sounding like a shit parody or an ad for psychiatric meds with his mentally deficient interpretation of the Teletubbies? No, it comes from those Christians I’ve encountered who seriously, despite the lack of Biblical, let alone logical, support, believe these crazy things. They are numerous. They always were – they just used to keep it to themselves because neither more progressive Christians nor the public at large agreed with them.

Now they feel secure in speaking up. They feel there are more of them than there are of the rest of us heathens. Educated, intelligent, well-employed Christians believe – and tell you this flat out – God wants them to take over the US and make our laws Christian. They can’t even see why anyone would object to that, unless they are Evil. Surely there can’t be other equally valid ethical systems out there for people to choose. And if there are, it doesn’t matter because this country was built by Christians (oh, I’ve been battling this one since the 80s, and let me tell you, I am tired).

Did Christians build the entertainment industry that saw us through the Great Depression? The finance industry? Department store chains and a massive retail market? No, wait – it was Jews and assorted others who contributed those massive pieces of our world dominance. Did Christians build the cotton industry? No, they just happily owned those who did. Did Christians author the Declaration or Constitution? Actually, most of our “founding fathers” were deists – non-specific believers in God.

What exactly did Christians do? Well, they contributed a little bit to everything, which is just fine. But they wanted more credit than that, so they moaned the loudest and measured their contribution in sweat rather than by actual, tangible achievements (see Protestant Work Ethic). But really, their biggest contribution to the founding of the US was genocide against the people who were already occupying what became the United States – carried out, of course, in the name of “God” and “manifest destiny” against “heathens.” Nice legacy there, guys. Are you still confused about why we don’t trust you to be good neighbors?

If there are any decent Christians out there, you have a serious PR problem. Stop whining that we have a duty to assume Christians would never shoot abortion doctors or commit genocide or condone the rape of women even though they already have. Get involved in the secular community. Start a blog. Let people know you’re out there, and you’re opposed to some of the things that have been done in the name of your religion. Let us know you support our right to live by our own ethics while you live by yours and we all try to get along.

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First of all, let’s discuss the source of your confusion. The most common reason for thinking people are either with you or against you is that you don’t realize that some people actually arrive at their own opinions rather than just adopting other people’s opinions in a show of solidarity. If you’re an opinion adopter, you may tend to assume another person’s shifting opinions are meant to passively-aggressively signal shifting loyalties. You may feel the person is abandoning your team for another team. In fact, some people engage in a process called “thinking” by which they evaluate how much logical sense an idea makes. They may re-evaluate the idea when they obtain new life experience or knowledge. It doesn’t mean they hate you or want your beliefs to fail or want you to stop believing as you do.

Helpful tip: there are other ways for a person to be a good and loyal friend or colleague to you than by mirroring your beliefs back to make you feel good about yourself.

When your adopted opinions and beliefs are mainstream, you feel safe. You believe that everyone feels the same pressure you felt to conform, and that everyone is shares the weakness that forced you to conform. Therefore when someone doesn’t conform, you think they’re some kind of crazed monster – a dangerously fucked up nutjob. You feel entitled to lash out in attack. In fact, some people have a trait called strength which enables them to feel pressure from others without giving in. They know people want them to echo their beliefs back to them like a tape recorder, but they have their own ideas. They’re (usually) not doing it to spite you; they just honestly see things differently.

Critics

Critics break down ideas into chains of logical thought, then evaluate how sound that logic is. For example, the critic will not accept that “the hole in the ozone is for Jesus to come through” as a logical precept because there is no logic: it’s just an idea you’ve chosen to embrace. The critic is not saying you can’t embrace it, nor is the critic (necessarily) saying it’s a stupid thing to believe (though when that argument has been put to me, I have made the argument that if Jesus needs help from hairspray manufacturers to make His Second Coming, perhaps He Is Not All That). The critic is merely saying you have offered no persuasive reason or fact to compel him to agree with you. It would be absolutely inappropriate at this point to spray paint his car with the word “Fornicator” or similar.

Non-supporters

Boy, these guys have it rough. They don’t even want to criticize your beliefs or debate with you. They just want to live and let live. Unfortunately, they’re a Democrap in a Repubican region or vice versa. Or they’re a Muslim in Christian redneck heaven. Or they’re a woman/person of color/gay person/etc. who, when asked for an opinion, gives one instead of saying cheerily, “Gosh, I dunno, but I sure trust Mr. Cracker to know what’s best for me. I’ll just go over here and be harmless, ‘kay?”

My advice here, based on years of personal experience and careful consideration, is simply leave these people the fuck alone. I mean, what damage do you actually think they’re doing to you? They don’t even want to talk to you! You just come over and start telling them your opinions with the expectation that because everything you think is mainstream they will say, “Oh yeah, me too!” and when they don’t, you’re so bothered by the fact there’s somebody on this earth who doesn’t have to agree with everyone else to function, you can’t stand it, so you decide to harass them daily. And even if they say they agree with you to make you go away, you know it’s not true, so you keep harassing them for no other reason than punishment.

Can you not see that you need psychiatric help? You do. Not them – you.

Hostile people

Now, there are indeed people who are hostile to mainstream beliefs just to irritate you, or to maintain the belief they are cool, or whatever. These people are by far the smallest group, and the vast majority of them are under seventeen years of age, but they exist. These are the people you can feel entitled to fight with or dislike, and you will recognize them because:

• Unlike critics, they can’t offer logical arguments about their beliefs/opinions, i.e., can’t tell you why they think what they think.
• Unlike non-supporters, they change their beliefs again if everyone starts agreeing with them
• Unlike both critics and non-supporters, they harass you with their beliefs all the time in order to irritate you. (Note: “harass” doesn’t mean “expresses their weirdass beliefs right out in public instead of in darkened basements, where such ideas belong”; it refers to an actual pattern of intentionally bugging the hell out of you, specifically, on a regular basis.)

In other words, they’re exactly like you. Except they feel they’ve got a score to settle, and their chosen method is rebellion. It’s not a sincere rebellion, it’s just rebelling to annoy people. Because they’re pricks and you’re a prick too, I highly recommend that you guys engage in an escalating pattern of violence until you remove each other from the overburdened ecosystem.

I hope you’ve found this article helpful, and have a wonderful day.

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I’m about to talk about a particularly hurtful privilege many Christians in my culture choose to engage in. Let me be clear: many Christians do not engage in this privilege (and instead do a very nice job following the example of a man who tried to think past privilege). And I’m sure many people other than Christians engage in something like this. I’m just sticking to what I know.

The privilege of which I’m speaking is telling others that if something bad happens to them, it’s because their faith is inadequate (or non-existent, as the case may be). This rationale gets applied to fellow Christians as well as people outside that religion. It is nothing short of victim-blaming. Got hit by a lunatic driver? You must’ve forgotten to pray. Tornado ripped your house’s roof off? God’s trying to tell you something about your wicked ways.

And then it gets extended to: is someone cheating you, abusing you, abusing your loved ones? Clearly, you need to pray much, much harder.

Like all victim blaming, it’s denial. It can’t be the system of privilege (which benefits me) that’s hurting you; it must be something you’re doing wrong.

But when you put this common privilege argument into a religious context, something especially ugly happens: it no longer needs to make sense, because it’s about faith. It’s the ultimate excuse for privileged people to rationalize away anything. And I do mean anything: wives have been advised to “pray harder” when domestic abuse lands them in the hospital, for one example. Because if the church acknowledges how often men abuse the power it gives them over their wives, it has to admit it’s time to go back to the Bible and see if we misinterpreted something, ’cause that dog don’t hunt.

There’s another added wrinkle religion brings to this privilege: when the religious people are the privileged abusers, it’s insane what they get away with. Ministers tearfully admit on TV, that yes, they had affairs/embezzled all the funds/etc., but Jesus has forgiven them, and so should you. And collectively, my society does forgive them because they’re a member of the right club. Meanwhile, the rest of us are responsible not only for our own actions, but for those committed against us.

Anytime I hear someone saying that some event or disaster is God’s way of punishing folks, I like to agree with them and add that yes, God really must share bin Laden’s disgust with the US because the way they hit the twin towers just right with nothing but a well-researched theory – that’s got miracle written all over it. (Yes, I’m being facetious to make a point.)

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