Mind-boggling example of male privilege

Over on Hathor, I wrote an article called If anything makes women hate men, it’s not feminism: it’s patriarchy. In a nutshell, I argued that patriarchy puts out a lot of ugly messages about what cheating, abusive assholes men are in hopes of convincing women to put up with crap from men. Women who refuse to take the crap but don’t encounter a more egalitarian viewpoint like feminism can continue to believe men are beasts by nature.

Here’s a response I got today on that post:

I don’t see feminism fighting for real gender equality. It is still common ideology that men are supposed to always defend and die for women. Or that a man is supposed to always be the bread winner and must always have a job or he isn’t a “real” man. After all men are expected to suffer social abuse on the job and outside in order to bring home profit for the family.

Maybe when feminism grows up and focuses on gender issues on both sides of which it aggravates through cultural change then maybe people would embody it more. But so far, it is a one sided blind argument. And yes, many women that call themselves feminist hate men or at least constantly bash men in general in order to simply leverage leadership roles for themselves.

Until feminism starts focusing on gender issues on both sides and including men it will always be seen as attacking and hostile to men, nor inclusive to their suffering or needs.

The irony here, thick as pancake batter, is that he blames feminism for several ideologies that were created centuries ago by patriarchs and neglects to recognize that feminism has actually campaigned against those ideologies. Dead white men decided men should defend women, be the sole breadwinners and suffer abuse to earn a living. Feminists worked hard to open the military and the job force to women, partly because they believed it unfair to put the burdens wholly on men.

There’s no way this guy just kind of missed that chunk of recent history, which means he’ll rationalize a way to blame feminism for the fact that we need oxygen to survive, if it suits him.

It’s easy to dismiss him as just not knowing what he’s talking about. But the problem is he does, and he feels entitled to spout lies. There are tons of forums where men sit around blaming feminists for everything the patriarchy set up (a very popular one is the “man must ask for date” rule which, you know, predates feminism by how many centuries?).

Except when they quote my articles and say how good they are, apparently with no awareness they’re quoting a feminist.

I’m at a loss for words here.


  1. says

    A thousand ‘words’. Mind-boggling is such an accurate way to describe this, because my brain just frazzles right over whenever I hear this argument, which is *a lot*.

    I genuinely don’t know where to start in conversations with people like this, because comments like this “it will always be seen as attacking and hostile to men, nor inclusive to their suffering or needs.” smack so hard of privilege, but it’s lose-lose to engage with it, because if I acknowledge ‘suffering and needs’ it’s coddling a sense of entitlement, but pointing that out is clearly me being a hostile feminist bitch.

  2. says

    What you say about the notion that men are beasts as reinforcing the patriarchy is an important insight.
    This idea helps me to understand why it is that women put up with what they do.

  3. DragonLord says

    While I sometimes think that feminism goes too far in what it does to achieve it’s stated aims. My first thought when reading this was something like.

    Is this guy for real? Does he really think that men not being able to be housewives is down to women trying to get jobs? How can people be so dense?

    Unfortunately I fear that he is probably a typical example of the male gender, and as such needs listening to, if only so that his arguments can be dealt with rather than having them stick around and be yet another reason why feminism is bad.

    • Jennifer Kesler says

      Oh, you’re one of THOSE. That explains the tone of your comments. Feminism hasn’t gone nearly far enough in achieving its aims. You just don’t comprehend what those aims are.

  4. Kirsten says

    Odd. Doesn’t anyone remember where the housewife came from? From rich men, to whom a woman was an expensive ornament, a tribute to their wealth and power. She didn’t have to work the fields like the peasant women did because her husband (owner) had money. It was a status symbol that became a cultural aspiration and then a norm.

    Among the poor both men and women have worked throughout history. There may be cultures historical and present whom did not allow women in certain roles (religious positions come to mind), but for the most part the lower class jobs were done by whoever was available. The idea of the frail flower of a lady comes from the wealthy.

    Feminism is meant to empower women to respect themselves and their own capabilities and to challenge ANYONE who denies us as equals to men. It means making the word equality more than the lip-service it currently is. We’ve gotten better, but we’re still no where near done. We are still treated as being less intelligent, less strong, less capable of leading. Culture shoehorns everyone, yes, but privileged still exists as pointed out on this site.

    I wish I were as eloquent as you Jennifer. Thank you!

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